Monday, December 9, 2013

Fear has a lot to answer too!

I know I said I would be back with an update of the past few months adventures, but it has just been one big roller coaster lately. My doubts and fears have been working on holding me back, as soon as I feel like I am making some progress it feels like this hand reaches back up and tries to bring me back down! I just don't get it how we can let our heads have this much control of us! 



I have had enough and just want to smack this bitch down, I am sick of being on this roller coaster and sick of feeling sick, that I am not good enough or not smart enough or not funny enough or what ever else the voice in my head likes to inflict on me! I am tired of letting little things or comments derail me so easily.

I have been working sooooo hard on staying positive and looking to the future and working on me, but this consistent, persistent voice always comes back to bring me crashing back down!

I AM ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!! I have to believe that or else what is the point of anything!! Why am I doing what I am doing?? Questions and arguments that go on in my head constantly. I have so much going on and so much I want to do and so much I want to share and give to others but fear of rejection is making me selfish, I am holding back soo  much that could be benefiting others all for the fear that it is not going to be good enough or I might be laughed at or ridiculed or even be wrong. Another big thing I fear is letting people down and disappointing people! I know they are just my insecurities, but how the hell do I get control over them and tell them to fuck off once and for all!!!

I know I will never get off this roller coaster called life, but to just be able to feel like I am doing the right thing and that I am on the right path will make things seem so much easier without this persistent pest in my head!!! 

If anyone has any tips on how to let go of not feeling good enough I would love to hear them!
Sorry about the rant, this is just where my head is at today!

I will be back very soon with my first video blog post, if I can get past the insecurities of how I will look and sound on camera.. But I will do it, I am just working up the courage at the moment!


12 comments:

  1. Michelle Grant you are an AMAZING woman, friend, and truly talented ARTIST....You are good, you are worthy and you are talented....BUT I am hearing you, having had insecurities all my life.
    Love Shaz xoxo

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  2. I appreciate the honesty in which you wrote this post. I think as artists we always doubt if we are good enough. I know I stress with projects all the time. You are an amazing woman! Your talent shines through! I am happy you could share this with your blog followers, now we know we are not alone on this journey of life! Big Hugs to you!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Lyn! It is definitely one crazy ride this thing called life!

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  3. Fear is never a good thing, although I really believe that fear is what you make of it. Hang in there because you are worth it, you are talented and you will succeed.

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  4. This post in in a few parts due to character length.....

    Oh I wish I had the answers for you Michelle !! You are truly worthy of all good that comes your way. I did find this that might be helpful?

    Everyone who has ever told you not to be afraid of anything is mistaken. Here are 8 reasons why fear is a good thing and you should keep moving toward fear, not away from it. Embrace fear, know how to use it and it will be your best friend:

    1 – Fear keeps you alive At the most basic level, fear is a survival instinct. It is a necessary response to threats and dangers. It has protected us as a species from extinction. Without fear, we wouldn’t have known to run away from that sabre-tooth tiger or step back from that thousand foot drop. Fear is a biochemical reaction that has been vital for our survival. It is responsible for the fight or flight response. So if nothing else, be grateful for fear.

    2 – Fear makes you feel alive On a similar note, fear not only keeps us alive, it makes us feel alive. What’s more exciting, sitting at home in front of the television or leaping out of a plane. What do you think would make you feel more alive? There is nothing more exciting than confronting your fear head first and engaging it. Facing your fears is a natural and positive drug. The adrenaline your body produces when you venture outside your comfort zone actually creates a high. That high is the distinction between existing and living!

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  5. 3 – Fear is a sign you are doing something awesome What are the stories about yourself you love sharing with your friends and family? Why is it things like skydiving or climbing a mountain appear on bucket lists repeatedly? Have you ever heard someone say I wish had one more day in an office before I died? The stories we share are those that push us into the unknown and challenge our fears. Fear lives in that unknown and so does possibility. Ask yourself what you want to do before you die? How many of those things scare you just a little bit? That’s good. Fear is a sign that you are about to experience your greatness. Nothing great can be accomplished without facing a fear. Olympic athletes, football players and successful business people, they all feel pressure, anxiety and fear. That’s what makes them great. They do something worthy of fear. As Mark Twain said, courage is not the absence of fear, courage is the mastery of fear. There is nothing scary about sitting at home being comfortable every day. But doing what is beyond the impossible, that inspires fear. That makes fear worth pursuing.

    4 – Fear is the precursor to possibility Fear comes before infinite possibility. Let’s look at every area of our life from finances to career to relationships to personal goals. Every great dream is usually a little scary, whether it be starting a new business or making your first million or running your first marathon. When we feel the fear of chasing a big dream, with that also comes the awesome reality of actualizing that dream. The unlimited possibility available to us in life follows the fear we feel at the thought of actually manifesting those possibilities.

    5 – Fear inspires action An idle mind is the devil’s playground. Sitting at home bored will only add fuel to an existence that is not serving you as it is. Within each one of us lives a great and magnificent dream that is waiting to be actualized. The problem is most of us get caught up with making a living that we forget to design our life. Fear changes that. Fear is the push we need to escape the mundane and be our greatness.

    6 – Fear sets you free When you are encompassed by an empowering fear that pushes you forward, past and future cease to exist. In that moment, you are living only in the now. Without time, you become truly free. The English Theologian William Law said of time, “ask what time is, it is nothing else but something of eternal duration become finite, measurable and transitory.” The excitement of fear has the power to shift time and bring it back to its eternal state. Even if only for a few minutes, within those moments when you challenge your fears, you become immortal.

    7 – Fear builds confidence When you do something that scares you, you become stronger. As you read in the last post, self confidence is the result of having successfully survived a risk. Doing something risky, something that scares you, will make you stronger and help you grow in confidence. Each step outside your comfort zone and into fear builds that muscle. As that muscle gets stronger and stronger so does your spirit.

    8 – Without fear, you WILL NOT SUCCEED!! Plain and simple. In order to achieve unimaginable success and turn the impossible into possible, it is vital to embrace fear. Fear is your best friend and ally on your path to success. As you read this list though, you may still be skeptical. You may be thinking about people you know that become paralyzed by fear. That fear prevents us from achieving success because of its paralytic effect. The famous fight manager Cus D’Amato once said, “The hero and the coward both feel exactly the same fear, only the hero confronts his fear and converts it into fire.

    Hope that helps somewhat to not worry too much about fear Shell Bell. It's there to help us ;)

    Hugs
    Deb x x x

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  6. Good enough for what? Good enough for whom?

    I stumbled on your work via Pinterest. It is beautiful!!

    As far as a video goes, just do it! You may never sound like a movie star because you won't have all the professional editing and tricks they use. But the world needs more real people doing real things. Also, anything you work at gets better. How does your current art compare with your first art? Maybe you find some of your older work embarrassing now, but remember that who you are today and what your abilities are today grew from that.

    Have the courage to make mistakes!

    God bless.

    Kathy
    USA

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  7. I find it hard to believe that you do not feel good enough... Yes good enough for who. We do this to leave a legacy for our children and it has become so fiercely competitive. I to want the recognition for what I do - but at what cost to myself and my style. Please dont feel like this. You are such an inspiration to me and I am so glad that I found your blog.

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